


Still Awake on a Thursday Night

by rosemarinae



Series: they're all gay [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: CWs: light misgendering and internalized homophobia, Gen, tags removed to make searching difficult
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-21
Updated: 2019-10-21
Packaged: 2020-12-27 10:48:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21117518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosemarinae/pseuds/rosemarinae
Summary: Dave messages Rose after a stressful twenty-four hours. Spoilers for PQ volumes four and five. They're light, and not especially relevant, but they're there.





	Still Awake on a Thursday Night

\-- turntechGodhead[TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist[TT] at [2:42] --  


TG: yo so uhh   
TG: i was gonna pull out something clever like  
TG: yo so i heard youre down to bang chicks thats surprising given how totally attractive i am  
TG: or whatever  
TG: but im starting to think that might not be a great plan given the shit im about to ask of you  
TG: so uh  
TG: ill just say that yall really need to learn to mumble better  
TT: So you *were* awake.  
TG: yeah man a dudes gotta be alert to any midnight puppet raids  
TG: thanks bro im totally ready to eavesdrop on my gay friends now  
TG: in actuality i just had to wait for john to leave with KK  
TT: Who?  
TG: cool new alien friend don’t worry about him  
TG: mailman stuff  
TT: Mailman stuff. Of course. How could I have been so simple?  
TG: no clue rose  
TG: youre off your game  
TT: My deepest apologies.  
TG: can we get back to my thing already  
TT: Sigh. Fine.  
TT: Why did you message me about this, exactly? Do you just intend on making vaguely insensitive remarks for the next half hour, or are we straying from our usual routine?  
TG: shit okay look  
TG: i dont even know what the fuck johns deal is  
TG: dudes got so many irons in the fire i think its starting to crack  
TG: the fire iron holder i mean  
TG: thats whats cracking  
TG: a furnace fuck right thats what its called  
TG: why the hell do any of us need all these irons anyway were not metalworkers  
TG: registered medieval blacksmith dave strider over here letting you know i have a permit to handle all these irons that i definitely need for my job  
TG: my job which is making kickass swords  
TG: what were we talking about again  
TT: If you’re not here to talk about John, and you’re not here to ridicule me, why are you messaging me at this ungodly hour?  
TG: aight look  
TG: you gotta promise you wont get uppity about this  
TT: I will make no such promise.  
TG: can you at least try to treat me more like your really cool friend as opposed to your really cool test subject  
TT: Fine, I’ll retire my chaise lounge.  
TG: right great so  
TG: i heard what you said  
TG: thats obvious by now but bare with me  
TG: jumping over what were gonna call the john issue there was one thing that really stood out  
TG: now i mean look listen understand ive already got everything totally worked out  
TG: my sexuality is no mystery, my inner workings are free for my eyes to see  
TG: my eyes only though like ive got a one sided mirror  
TG: but hypothetically if say uh  
TG: lets say jade had a question about uh  
TG: liking dudes  
TG: i mean liking girls fuck shes having lesbian troubles  
TT: Are you having lesbian troubles, Dave? Are you having a sapphic crisis of your own?  
TG: ok fucking fine you got me  
TG: itcha boi thats the one havin gay troubles  
TG: dude on dude fuckin mano a mano  
TG: probin probosces till i see double  
TG: improperly proddin plush puppet posterior  
TG: kissin asses and faces fulla man stubble  
TG: poppin boners midst pungent odors  
TT: Okay, that’s enough.  
TT: I’m still not exactly clear on what you mean by homosexual troubles, regardless of the gender at hand.  
TG: youre really gonna make me spell this out huh  
TG: pulling the words from the horses mouth  
TG: yankin them right out  
TG: dont grab my tongue with those sharp nails rose  
TT: Gross.  
TG: right yeah  
TG: aight so the mailman kinda brought this up but he dropped it real fast  
TG: said somethin about not repeating his mistakes or whatever  
TG: weird time travelly bullshit i think  
TG: he brought up me and john being “cute” together  
TG: now look im no stranger to gay jokes  
TG: or gay projections from my dearest friend rose  
TG: but what im not used to is like  
TG: genuine acknowledgement and acceptance of like gayness and shit ya feel  
TT: Yes, I do feel.  
TG: charming as ever lalonde  
TG: anyway that kinda fucked me up a bit but i shrugged it off after my uh  
TG: totally uncharacteristic awkwardness with jade  
TG: that shit was outright buffoonery  
TG: self-inflicted social shenanigans right there i tell you  
TG: but when i was fake snoozing away as you and john had your full blast feelings jam  
TG: you said some stuff that reignited the flame  
TG: the flame of homosexuality  
TT: A flame I am all too familiar with.  
TG: im sure you are you raging lesbo  
TG: were both after harley now  
TT: Drop the subject of Jade if you want me to give you even a scrap of advice.  
TG: ok ok its just that  
TG: fuck right  
TG: when you were talkin about how you act and look aint related to who youre down to fuck  
TG: it pissed me off a bit  
TG: like obviously gay people act different havent you seen queer eye  
TT: Wait, *you* of all people watch Queer Eye?  
TG: fuck wait go back  
TG: last three messages didnt happen rose you didnt see em  
TG: we out here like men in black i even got the shades  
TT: Consider yourself Will Smith.  
TG: right yeah so incredibly relevant pop culture references aside i was real deep in thought when egbert blew me out of the water  
TG: not blew me in that way though apparently i might be down for that given new information  
TG: john said hed never want to kiss me and like  
TG: fuck rose that should be like a relief  
TG: i am not the kinda dude who wants to smack lips together with egbert  
TG: i mean not that theres anything wrong with that  
TG: and yet  
TG: hearing my best bro say that kinda shit  
TT: Might be best to avoid that kind of language.  
TG: what  
TT: Never mind. Continue.  
TG: uh ok  
TG: anyway hearing ol johnny guitar tell me he aint down for seven minutes in heaven hit me hard  
TG: it was like how when we all watched the notebook last year and all lied to each other about how we werent crying for days about it  
TT: Right, lying. Of course, Dave. You can tell yourself that.  
TG: ignoring that  
TG: rose you gotta tell me  
TG: what the fuck does it mean that im upset john doesnt want to kiss me  
TT: You’re ready for me to begin my procedures?   
TG: not if youre going to call them that  
TT: My analysis?  
TG: what did i say about studying me  
TT: Fine. My lesbian platitudes.  
TT: So, to start, yes. It is true that gender identity, sexual attraction, and physical presentation are by no means required to correlate.  
TG: yeah ok you dont gotta drag me through all the hoops like baby egbert  
TG: you had to bring that boy to water and make him drink but i know for a fact that this pony’s fuckin thirsty  
TG: again not like that but maybe  
TT: So, I’ll ask you the same question I asked John. You’re not as straight-forward as he is, but I think there’s something to be gained from the direct approach.  
TT: Are you, Dave Strider, sexually attracted to men?  
TG: no way  
TT: Are you sure?  
TG:   
TG: also no way  
TG: but like look okay rose  
TG: theres no fucking way i can be down with john and his thin bony ass  
TT: Why not?  
TG: ugh ill be explicit about it  
TG: im down with jade and her slightly less thin slightly less bony ass  
TT: I refuse to comment on Jade’s appearance. However, I’m confused. Dave, are you genuinely romantically interested in her? I assumed you were just trying to fuck with me.  
TG: nah i am one hundo percent out to date the dog girl  
TG: i mean not really date date i have absolutely no interest in pursuing something like that  
TG: cant tie the s-man down  
TG: but yeah ok shes cute  
TT: So, then. You’ve got a crush on Jade. How, exactly, is that relevant to the John issue?  
TG: well i like a chick  
TG: i cant be gay  
TT: Sure, that does rule out homosexuality.  
TT: But that’s not the only option.  
TG: yeah well straight doesnt fit here either  
TT: Sexuality is not a strict dichotomy.  
TG: well ms sex expert (sexpert) what does that make me then  
TT: Dave, you’re probably just bisexual.  
TG: rose im not attracted to two-wheeled vehicles  
TT: You can’t be serious.  
TG: what  
TT: Do you actually not know what bisexuality is?  
TG: i mean ive never heard of half of this shit  
TG: my bro told me there was straight and gay and one of those was bad  
TG: i kinda dropped the last part and ran with the rest  
TT: Are you now beginning to see why that may have been a terrible idea?  
TG: no comment  
TT: Look. Bisexuality is just the attraction to two or more genders.  
TG: or more  
TT: Beside the point. You’re probably just attracted to men and women.  
TG: yeah but isnt that like  
TG: against the law  
TG: arent the gender police gonna bust into my apartment  
TG: my bro is gonna try to stop em with his kickass ninja skills until they explain ive been smoochin on dudes and chicks  
TG: then hes gonna nod solemnly and lead them to my door  
TG: theyll bust in swat-team style then scan my room for the gay porn you seem to think i have while two more will take me by the arms and drag me off to miss pergerines school for sexual misfits never to be seen again  
TT: I mean, yes, both of our respective sexualities are against the law in many places, including the state in which you live, but the Houston Police Department fortunately lacks access to telepathy.  
TG: and thank god for that  
TG: acab baby  
TT: We’ve gotten off-topic. Fraternal conflicts aside, there is no harm that can be done simply by accepting your own sexuality.  
TT: Dave, it’s okay to be bisexual. You do know that, right?  
TG: i mean  
TG: look rose you can talk gay acceptance all day long but i think the fact of the matter is like  
TG: fuck  
TG: okay im gonna drop the tough guy act entirely  
TG: this is a genuine grade a moment of strider man-vulnerability  
TG: we out here like its a shakespearean play with the dudes screaming their horniness to the heavens  
TG: except instead of screaming im typing nervously and instead of being horny im freaking the hell out  
TT: Dave.  
TG: right  
TG: rose im just kind of fucking scared  
TG: like shit ive been dedicated to being straight for thirteen years and now im learning thats potentially not the case  
TG: how the hell did you deal with this  
TT: Well, I had a bit more on my plate, so I can’t exactly compare our experiences one-to-one.  
TG: what because im half gay and youre whole gay  
TT: No, I- it’s not something I’m ready to get into. Let’s just say my revelations were a bit more fundamental.  
TG: aight miss sapphic cryptid  
TG: i mean cryptic sapphid  
TG: youre being suspicious and also youre gay is what im getting at  
TG: but yeah im still down to keep it about me so walk right past that load of clues and hints  
TT: The denial, if you will, is totally normal. Are you, perhaps, convinced that (despite the evidence) you might be straight anyway?  
TT: As though you’re doing this with some sort of ulterior motive you can’t figure out?  
TG: thats one way to say “yeah i think i just want attention” sure  
TT: That’s normal. It’s dreadfully invalidating, but normal.  
TT: It seems to me that most of your concerns are just the normal uncertainty that comes with rapid and dramatic personal growth.  
TG: so what  
TG: that means im bi then  
TG: thats it weve concluded our session times up get the hell out of here  
TG: just like real therapy  
TT: I’m pretty sure the only one who can say that for sure is you, Dave.  
TT: Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go the fuck to sleep.  
TT: I know you have an extra hour to sleep through, but I am cursed with Eastern Standard Time.  
TT: Your copay can wait.  
TG: fine  
TG:  
TG: thanks  
TT: You’re welcome.  


\-- turntechGodhead[TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist[TT] at [3:14] --  


**Author's Note:**

> wow the title sucks ass. anyway i hope y'all enjoyed this! masculinity and shit isn't exactly my forte but i kinda tried to channel my trans experiences into making something work. hopefully i was not a disgrace to the dave kinnies out there
> 
> thank you tragiccoyote for writing the probin' probosces rap. it's delightful.


End file.
